The Golden Stroke Triad
1. +US (positive unconditional stroke) = PRAISE OF BEING
• How smart you are!
• How creative you are!
• How beautiful you are!
Basic message: YOU ARE VALUABLE!
These are messages that express feelings: unconditional love, respect, faith in others, trust, etc.
In children, such messages can affect the following:
• Developing a positive self-image;
• Developing a positive child's identity;
• Developing a positive self-presentation;
• Developing self-feelings – self-love, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
The parent sends +US> messages to get internalized/internalized in the ego state of Parent of the child> the child is able to activate the internal source +US> capability of self-stroking> the child maintains a positive self-image> developing self-feeling (self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence)
In adults, such messages can affect the following:
• Detection, recognition, and acknowledgment take place;
• Acknowledgment of those qualities the person believes he/she possesses;
• Developing an adult's positive identity;
• Developing a positive relationship between two people.
2. +CS (positive conditional stroke) = PRAISE OF ACTIONS/BEHAVIOR
• That was funny.
• You write very well.
• I like how you handled that situation.
This type of stroke encourages and reinforces behaviors. They include the following:
• Praising behavior;
• Promising a reward (a powerful tool for encouraging new desirable behaviors);
• The reward (stroking is stronger than praising and it needs to be a symbolic award).
• Process or supportive (important in the process of raising children – helps a child in the process of mastering a skill)
☑ I really like how you have done your homework so far. You're doing great, just keep going.
☑ Nice job! You've been reciting very well. I'm very proud of you, I'm taking you out for ice cream.
3. -CS (negative conditional stroke) = CRITICIZING ACTIONS/ BEHAVIORS
• I don't like it when you slouch.
• The way you talked to your friend in the park today was not nice.
• It makes me angry when you don't put your toys away on time.
A negative assessment of what a person is doing, has done or is about to do.
GOAL OF -CS is A CHANGE OF ACTIVITY.
The skill of giving a -CS is related to the intensity of discomfort and quality.
While expressing anger or disagreement with a person, it is IMPORTANT that the person knows that he/she is OK as a BEING, and that his/her behavior is negative!