May 12, 2021
Workaholic
I am happy that over time I have become aware of my inner impulses of the mind to work hard and long hours, wanting to satisfy the demands of my strict inner Parent ego state. Unconsciously, I fulfilled the requirements to "work hard" and "do everything right," making no distinction between the things that had greater priority and those that did not comply with these norms. I developed over-responsibility and became a perfectionist, being driven by an urge to never stop working (and this is not only about my professional career). Living constantly and unconsciously according to this pattern resulted in the development of an even stricter inner critic, and finally, caused a lack of self-awareness that I can take a break and relax.
Fortunately, I've always been prone to introspection, but also to working on myself (on my own and with others), so I managed to uncover the roots of such a behavioral mechanism successfully. To feel worthy, and OK, as per the famous TA concept, I thought I had to be perfect. Spending energy to reach elusive perfection, and please the Critical Parent inside me, helped me avoid the feelings evoked by a belief in the illusion of being worthless. I used to learn without perceiving the difference between myself as a perfect divine being and the things I was urged to do perfectly well. It seems that, through this mechanism, I've developed a lot of positive traits, such as responsibility, conscientiousness, reliability, proactivity, orderliness, and many others, but primarily how to be anchored in my own value.
If I needed to go through all of this for the sake of learning lessons – I did it. I began to concentrate on my physical body as a powerful teacher. I am aware that a spiritual path means mastering balance and moderation. The most important lesson is to show respect for and pay attention to one's physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies in equal measure, that is, to harmonize the needs of all our bodies without ignoring them.
I would be lying if I said that I'm not a workaholic, yet I can still proudly say that I've advanced and become a balanced workaholic, being passionately dedicated to the call of my heart.
